#11 SELF-ESTEEM IS A POSSESSION

   For a long time I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't love myself. I thought I was supposed to naturally love and accept myself for who I was cause I was already prepared for the hurt that this world only has to offer. I thought I was late getting the memo or someone failed their mission to tell me where it was and I had to go find it. Then I realized; I was not going to find anything that had to do with the love that I can offer myself going through this world jaded and alone.
   You have to meet yourself where you are at right now. Think back on what was the first thing that gave you happiness that made you want to shout to everyone. It's a wonderful natural high that you feel. When you felt that, you wanted to protect it with all your might...then, out of nowhere, it was ripped from you like a band-aid that had a flesh-eating feeling that was activated the second it was ripped from you.  After it was ripped off, you immediately look for something bigger and better than the last happiness that you had. It can get very tiring running around without examining the hurt you are experiencing. It's as if you once had the freshly cooked meal that you waited for, and then it fell to the floor. So, now you are looking for that one meal in tons of dumpsters in an alley when the restaurant is right around the corner.
   Meet yourself where you are at and accept EVERYTHING that happened to you, whether it's good or bad, it happened. Accepting it is the hardest part, but you can do it. The best thing you can do to yourself is COMPLETELY stop yourself and change your path in your life to your own road for yourself. I hung onto so many different people's coat-tails in their lives and I was dragged through disappointment, hurt, shame, and loneliness.  So, the time now is to stop whatever you are dong in your life that is not only pushing you down, but literally sucking your own life within yourself out and forcing you to feel things that you are not supposed to feel stuck in. I am pretty sure when you look down at what you stand, walk, or run on are YOUR feet. It's never too late to use them to also stand up for yourself and your life.
   When I went through my abusive relationships, I was putting whatever they complained about whether it was me, the place we went to, or even what blanket to sleep under; I was taking all of that and changing all of it the best of my ability. It was never satisfying for him, and that made me continue to change things around him and me to at least get noticed that I was clearly telling them I wanted whatever they wanted. If they are happy, then I most definitely will be happy  It took me a quite a few rounds in the ring to realize that was not true at all. If you could remedy all the hardships that everyone faces, you have to give up all of your "self" to accomplish this clearly impossible task.  Give yourself what you want for your life. Everyone wants to have love and compassion in their life. What's awesome about that is you most certainly can give it to yourself and plant it in your own life and watch it grow in so many ways to benefit you.
   Your self image is a picture of yourself that you carry within yourself. Think about your own picture you have of yourself. Is it dusty, dirty, crumpled, ripped, tattered, or even marked on?  Well, today is your lucky day because how you view yourself is a complete lie!  You are lying to yourself because you have been lied to through what other people have said about you.  When you believe what other people say, then you seem to not really have an opinion of yourself now do you?  Well, there is the C word we could use for this.  You have a CHOICE to do anything.  You choose to believe what another human being thinks of you and it only takes you down a lonely vanity road that is filled with what other people think of you.  You have to realize that it's just OPINIONS! Not FACTS!  It's your life, don't let anyone else write your facts.  You are responsible for what you listen to, not what you hear.
   When you have a poor self-image it affects every single one of your relationships.  Parents, friends, co-workers...etc.  It will rear its ugly head and let people know if you are a beneficial person in their life. Everyone is looking for positive people, places, and things to add to their life. No one is specifically looking for negative things to add. Imagine the people that are passing through your life and you had a poor reflection of yourself painted across your face or you had a nasty reaction to the simplest things; you could be missing out on a great person within them.
    When I was ready to stop what I was doing to myself I still had a poor self-image and everyone became irritating and annoying and everything still hurt me because I didn't know anything about myself. I literally gave up all of me for other people. Then I realized that it is my life and if love and acceptance is what I wanted in it, I was going to change it asap.
   I do not like the fact that there are so many people in this world that compare and compete.  There is no room for appreciation for the person underneath.  Comparing and competing makes you feel like you need to be validated by what you have, and then what you feel about yourself will follow. You are playing a game that really doesn't give you points, it only racks up your insecurities. If you look better than her, if you drive a nicer car, if you live in a house, or if you have an attractive boyfriend. It's a waste of time to use up all your energy worrying about the way you look and the things you have to feel a little bit of value through it.  Nothing last forever, and the temporary feeling of material things will definitely die out. But you can make your self-image last forever. When you compare and compete you are judging the other person on everything you see, hear, and know about that person. You are also allowing yourself to depend on what they think of you as well when you step into that ring. You hate when people judge you, when it seems to everyone else that you are comfortable to do it right back to them.
   When you make your foundation on what you feel about yourself could be toxic or healthy. It depends on what you think of yourself.  If you don't think highly of yourself, then it will affect your life, how you live it and who happens to pass through it.
   A fact about negative thoughts towards yourself is that they ONLY breathe discontentment. Do you really want to live your life uncomfortable from the way you look all the way through to your simple, or hard decisions? I know I don't.  So, I stopped all of it. Your mind makes you think you can't do it. It's got so much already on the To-Do list...I am telling you right now, rip it up! Tear every single shred of it up. It doesn't matter now.  Just simply STOP what you are doing to yourself and give yourself the gift that you have complete control over. Self love. It is the greatest of all flatters!

"Beautiful U R" - Deborah Cox
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRQj3SkrkU8